Him
by XxIrisxX
Summary: When Ed gets stalked, it's upto Roy to figure out who that person is...and retain his sanity. Parental!RoyxEd and implied, by an insignificant amount, slash. Not RoyxEd! :D


Him

Summary: When Ed gets stalked, it's upto Roy to figure out who that person is...and retain his sanity.  
Disclaimer: FMA and its characters are (c) Hiromu Arakawa.  
AN: Another comedy! Mostly parental RoyxEd, but if you look hard enough, there's a _tinsy-winsy_ bit of implied slash! I'll give you a cookie if you guess who the yaoi pairing is! :3

_Thanks to my awsome beta L0STiNY0UREYES! You rock! _

*

Edward stormed down the front yard of the Eastern headquarters, his breath hitched and heart leaping in his throat. He ran. Ran as fast as he could from an unknown fear, an unknown entity. An entity that threatened his very reason for being here, every bit of his presence—wherever he went.

He occasionally took a quick glance from the corner of his eye, making sure he was at least a few feet away from the very presence he tried to get away from.

Ed flew through the crowded corridors, ignoring stares—curious and perplexed-- following him as he took no notice of the staffs greeting him or the ones whom he awkwardly bumped into—purely due to lack of attention and self-control. No. He really wasn't paying much attention to the other elements surrounding him. His mind solely focused on two things—the probable perpetuator and the likely saviour.

Gritting his teeth, Ed skidded around the corner, his mind clouded with many unwoven thoughts—most of which circled round the mysterious presence behind him and other, which were mere determination.

Determination to reach the door awaiting for him. Every single time he was forced to come here, the door was always open to him...today was no exception. The door would be remained open as predicted...but today, it wasn't unwillingness that brought Ed here. It was desperation.

He took a quick peer over his shoulders, making sure he was no longer being followed and thereafter, hastily increased his pace.

*

The door opened and closed with a rather loud bang, effectively catching Mustang's attention. The dark haired man raised his eyes from the untouched pile of paper to the always expected form before him, eyes focusing intently on the young blonde alchemist.

Edward stood in front of the man, shoulders slummed and breathing hitched, his chest rising and falling harder than it normally should. Sweat beaded his entire forehead—some trickling down his neck into the red overcoat; strings of untidy bangs scattered all over the flushed exhausted face, which clearly reflected the fright in his widened eyes.

"Edward", Roy said, anxiously getting up from his seat, "What on earth have you been up to?"

The boy panted in response and panted more in surprise as a pair of strong, warm hands clutched his shoulders, forcing him to sit on the couch, which was fortunately a step or two away from where Ed stood.

"Ed, if you don't talk to me", Roy gently removed the oversized jacket from the other's heated body and handed him a glass of water, "then I will be forced to infer that I'll be minutely looking into whatever mess you've gotten yourself into. And I'm speaking as your commanding officer- mind you!"

Ed more than happily took the glass from Mustang's hands and wasted no time in emptying it. As soon as the water moistened his dry throat, he let out a sigh of relief, followed by a deep breath to regain his composure.

"I knew."

Mustang's eyes widened a little at the sudden comment. To be honest, he'd been expecting another outburst from the boy shouting that he didn't need to poke his nose in whatever Ed's been doing, for Ed and Al both were matured boys and knew well to take care of things when they were about to get out of hand...or something along the line.

"Hm? What's this? Is it maturity I hear from you, Ed?" Roy teased, a smirk finding his way to his lips.

"Colonel."

However, the smirk soon disappeared, replaced by a weak frown appearing on his forehead.

He pressed his hand with that of the boy's and came closer to his face as worry once more started to creep in to his chest.

"Knew what, Ed?" He tried to look into the fear-filled eyes, voice softening to a warm tone as he spoke.

"I knew." Ed said again, in a calm voice, as his eyes dropped down and gazed at his feet, "I knew that I wouldn't be safe. Colonel."

This deepened Mustang's frown of curiosity.

"Care to elaborate?"

"I didn't know he had _such_ a farfetched vision." Ed gulped before continuing, "He-he knows every single move I make, every darn messages I receive, every friggin' thing I do, every damn person I meet! He- he's following me. EVERYWHERE!"

Roy felt his mind darkening. Exactly what had the kid had done this time, he wondered. By the sound of things, it wasn't anything pretty- that much was well guessed.

"Ed", he said, trying to calm the fear-stricken boy, "What are you talking about? _Who_ knows your moves? _Who_ is following you?"

The said teen rambled some more, his mouth dumping words which bore little or no sense at all—thus, increasing Roy's adrenaline-secreting out of anxiety. He could take no more; the suspense was literally killing him. Ed was talking non-sense and it wasn't helping him to form any conclusions or get any clues to form those conclusions.

Without a word, he held the other's head and pulling him towards himself, clutched on to Ed tightly. The boy needed calming down. He was too shaken by this incident, excited and scared at the same time. He needed comfort of both body and mind. And in such times, Roy had heard physical comfort did wonders...even if it was along the margins of his awkward zone.

And so Roy acted according to his instinct, holding Ed close to him, breathing slowly, hoping his own breathing would calm the boy's excited nerves. He was a child after all...

*

Roy let out a tiny gasp as he felt a pair of oddly materialised hands being put on his chest, as the beholder released himself from the uncharacteristic hug.

"Now Ed", Mustang tried once more. Ed seemed to be calmer—enough for him to run the details, "I want you to tell me everything. Who is this person? Who's been following you?"

"Colonel, it was..."

The slight pause seemed never ending to the grown-up man. He could already feel a hollowness in place of his heart as the young mouth was yet to reveal a name; of someone who dared to bother the boy. Not just any boy, but the Fullmetal Alchemist. Well, that was going to change. He wouldn't stick his head into the crocodile's mouth the next time. Roy would make sure of that.

"..._Him._"

"Him who? Did you get to take a good look at his face?"

The boy nodded—more in disbelief than in disagreement.

"He knows me Colonel. He knows me all too well! As if I'm the patient and he's the observing doctor."

Roy's chest tightened in anxiety. So now, he was dealing with someone familiar.

_But who?_

"I-I should've seen he wasn't to be trusted with this! And we had a better understanding too! Or, at least, I thought we did!"

"We?" The man frowned in deep confusion.

"So, by 'we', you mean to say 'you' and...?"

"Him."

A sigh was pumped out from his dried mouth. He was sure to call the asylum for himself if this went on any longer!

"You said, you two had better understanding, right?"

Ed nodded.

"So, c'mon! Gimme a name!"

"I told you."

"What?"

"His name!"

"Which would be—?"

"HIM!"

Roy swore he felt like slamming his head with the nearby wall! So hard, that he hoped he might be able to see secret porn pictures pinned in an adjacent room through the hole that he would create because of his emotional banging! Instead, he settled for counting. Like those psychopaths in straight jackets.

He grumbled out but immediately closed his eyes and counted to ten, trying to regain his previous composure. Ed sure was a hard nut to crack. Even if the cracker was of a distressing nature!

"Okay! Okay!" The counting really helped. Roy was now calm.

"So, what else can you tell me?"

"About whom?"

"Him."

"Him?"

"Yes, Him."

"Well", Ed placed a finger on his chin, comically representing that he'd delved into deep recalling, "He's male, adult...and...and...a stalker!" He smiled at Roy, while closing his eyes in content...like one in those cute anime-like moments when a kid smiles, enough to melt your heart.

"And?" Came a query, in a voice, ever so patient and understanding.

"And...oh!"—Roy sat up straight—"He had eyes like—um...hm...a man,"—he slummed back into the couch—"short hair, a nose, a mouth, five plus five- ten fingers in his hands...and legs! Two legs!"

Again, came Ed's sweet and innocent smile.

"And?" Roy's temples hurt. He needed some anti-depressants.

"And...that's all about...Him."

"Damn it!" Roy slapped a cushion and hastily stood up, right eye twitching like hell, left eye as red as being infected with conjunctivitis and an anime vein popping up his forehead. It wouldn't be wrong if it was said that Roy was pissed off. Well, he had reached a point where no anti-depressants or yoga classes could help him. Beyond the emotion of extremely pissed off was the closest thing that described what he felt as he stood up.

Glaring down at Ed with a murderous pair of eyes, he said, breathing heavily, "Will you ever be CO-OPERATIVE? I'm trying to help you here and you-"

"Put a sock in it, you bastard!" Ed revolted, also rising up from the couch, "I'm trying."

"And so am I! If you want me to find this 'him'! Oh! For the love of a threesome!"

"Tch. Hey Bastard! Stop whining or tell it to the Federals!"

"We don't have one."

"EXACTLY!"

Ed began to walk away from the messed up man, seizing the overcoat from the side and putting it in his hands.

"Oh God! What a day!"

-Roy rubbed his now throbbing temples-

"I almost forgot!"

-_Okay, okay Drew and Andrew! I'll come to your wedding! Stop torturing me like this!!-_

"This was left for you."

He took out an envelope, smoothened it with his hands before handing it over to Mustang. Roy took it with great curiosity.

_On second thought, guys, I'll have a severe fever that day, so sorry. _

The envelop was a plain white piece of folded paper, with nothing-out-of-the-ordinary-details, except the "To" and "From" portion.

He looked intently at it, wondering who'd be generous enough to send him something, that too, through Edward! What could it be?

_A threat? This has to be it!_

Onyx eyes shifted to the source of an easy answer, looked at the teen standing sideways and nodded for dismissal.

Edward turned around. Reaching for the door knob, his hand held the round, gold-coloured object and went for turning it. But his hand stopped midway, as Ed faced the Colonel yet again.

He stared at the man in deep thought- Roy frowned in worry- opened his mouth to say something- perhaps, something, the strict Colonel himself had awaited to hear for so long in the back of his matured mind. Now, that moment had come, he could barely retain his cold mask.

However, Ed closed his mouth, shook his head, opened the door and exited the room. He contemplated his own thoughts, while softly closing the door behind him.

*

Roy opened the mysterious envelope. Taking the darn thing in his hands, he began reading it with full attention, his eyes growing wide a moment after.

_What the-_

A spring breeze blew the message from his loose grip and fell on the desk in front, the content-part turned right-side-up. It had a picture of a girl, a marigold blond, blue eyes, big busts, wearing a two-piece extra-exposing swim suit of baby pink, with a two-lined message underneath:

_Momokins, since you plan to find your wife-to-be not any sooner than you actually should, I've sent you a little token of my appreciation. I bet you'd look _adorable _in this on our "play-nights". Love you, call you. Bye. – Maesey Boy ::winks::_

"...HIM."

Roy shivered in rage as a syllable hardly escaped his mouth.

A brow quirked.

An eye twitched.

Fingers itched.

A deadly silence followed.

"...EDWAAAAAAAAAAAARD!!!!"

A flock of birds flew from the courtyard, to run from the unknown terror that vibrated their miniature eardrums. People stumbled on their way. Cars crashed in the highway. A child squirted out the milk from his mouth onto his mom's irritated and now disgusted face. Doors and windows seemed to shake from this earthquake-like scream.

And inside his building, a lonely Colonel sat, his breaths swollen and the picture lying in ruins onto the floor.

*

"Brother! That was rude!" Al said, as he watched his brother exit from the Colonel's office seconds before the blood-chilling scream. "As if it wasn't enough for him to be annoyed by that little picture!"

"Hey! Me rude?" The blonde scoffed. "Then what about _your_ miserable requests of wanting to get a peek of the picture inside the envelop? You should know better not to meddle with someone else's privacy!" He went on, cackling like there was no tomorrow, "No matter how _intimate_ or _embarassing _that privacy may be!"

"But there was no need for you to put up that extra stunt!"

"Relax Al! That bastard deserved this a long time ago!" Ed replied, grinning at his obvious success. "May be now he'll think twice about giving us false leads-"

("WHY YOU LITTLE BRAT!!")

"-and criticising on our moves and reports."

"You got him so worked up brother!"

"And it feels _good._"

*

"MAES!! YOU NO GOOD BLABBERING WIMPERING FOOL! YOU KLUTZ! YOU PLATYPUS!! CAN'T YOU JUST NOT KEEP IT BETWEEN US ONCE IN A WHILE??! I'LL SHOW YOU! I'LL SHOW YOU WHO'S BOSS! AAARRRRGH!! LET'S SEE WHO YOU GET AS A PLAYMATE FOR TONIGHT! IT WON'T BE ME!! NOOO! NOT ME!! ARRRRRRRGHHH!! THE RING! OH DAMN IT IT WON'T COME OFF!! AAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGHHHH!!!"

By the time Roy grew as red as a tomato, Ed was long gone, cackling and laughing at his schemed victory.

*

Note: Never, ever try to confront 'him' or else, you'll be the next to be stalked. XD Please review and let me know what you think! Thank you, love you~

~Iris


End file.
